Babymama.

Fitting into the role as the difficult, obsessive BABY MAMA.

I am 9 months pregnant and the shit sucks. and even though its near the end.. i still have to push a huge baby out my small, almost virgin again vagina, in less than ten days. I have a lot to fucking complain about. How about the fact that my baby daddy (Never thought i'd have one of those, what a ridiculous stereotypical name) moved 45 minutes away and in a fucking apartment with his current infatuation that he calls a girlfriend. So that he can go to school. I want to be in school so fucking bad. and this girl, is a fucking insult. Okay she is studying psychology (which would be a major turn on for me as well), and she is bilingual.. she isn't progressively gaining weight, nor 6ft tall as i am. She adores him, cooks for him, caters to him basically..

i could study psychology after i give birth to our child. I could learn french too. God, knows french is so much more beautiful than Spanish.. I can't shrink though. Hurry up and get bored with her. He will get bored with her.. He is my brutally honest Sagittarius male. He will tell her she's not good enough for him. He will change. I suppose i am a bad person for wanting him to be him, but he was part of my dysfunctional family, he ran.. and if he's going to run.. i hope to God he runs from everyone..

I'm going to go eat my feelings. And when i say feelings, i mean chocolate cake. and then most likely throw it up because my son literally rejects any food after 10:30.

Fuck this.

Help?

I am desperately craving a
Reese's Fast Break Bar.

peace and mind.

I just realized that when Lauryn Hill says that "he" is her "peace of mind".. She wasn't talking about Mikell, she was talking about God. His power is so strong, that i foolishly believed that i could find peace in myself through a human being such as him. ... well he is half Vampire..


he is my piece of mind.

Book.

i am starting a book. i want this to be one of those things i actually do instead of just talk about. It will not only be an emotional outlet.. but a new past time. A past time that will heal me. A way to express all my repressed feelings. Because i keep exploding and not growing into the beautiful person that i am capable of being. I keep slipping into depression. Going so far, and then falling back to square one all over again. I am motivated by love. and if this book doesn't do so much as to win him back. I will still be able to prove to myself in the end that it is his loss. and be able to except the fact that he can not recognize a good woman. One who not only has a good intentions and a good heart (because that is simply not enough anymore) but beautiful actions and creative expressions to go along with it.

neworleans style.

whoa. people like this exist. i would like one of him please.

badu,

i want to be like you.

where are you?

i need my mom right now. But her new boyfriend is taking her away. bitch.